Another Nine Bizarre Toys

Hare Krishna Zombie
The scary thing about this action figure is not that it is a zombie and not that it is a Hare Krishna (ok maybe a little). The scariest part of it is that it looks like Andy Dick.

It looks so much like him that I had to go to imdb.com to make sure I was wrong. It turns out it was some guy named Mike Christopher. Finally the nightmares can end.




Vincent Van Gogh Action Figure
Finally you can have an action figure of you you favorite depressed/bipolar/schizophrenic/alcoholic artist. Best of all, it comes with two interchangeable heads, so you can play with the single and dual earlobed Vincent Van Gogh. You can relive his frustration when his cousin refused his marriage proposal. You can re-enact his strange co-dependent relationship with Paul Gauguin. You can even recreate Vincent's eventually successful suicide, where he had to walk back home after shooting himself in the chest. Oh, and you can pretend to paint some pretty pictures too.



Cold War Unicorns
The Cold War between the USSR and USA has always been fought by proxies. North Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, most of Central and South America for example. In spite of the fall of the USSR, the Cold War is far from over. The epic struggle between two major political and economic systems has evolved to using fantasy creatures in their battles.



USA Vs Commies

"I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. "

Major Jack D. Ripper (from Dr. Strangelove)

Now you can go where Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev were too afraid to go. With the USA vs. Commies army figures you can fight the next to last battle of the war the would have ended the Cold War. Don't worry about breaking or even destroying these little guys because when the next to last battle is over and the winning side is celebrating, the losing side launches their missiles and starts what would have been the last battle of the Cold War.



Devo Action Figure w/ Interchangable Heads
I am a Devo fan. I saw them at the Palmer Auditorium in Austin when I was 13. The high point of my junior high career was getting searched by a female cop at the gate. I chanted "jump, jump" like everyone else as one of the roadies adjusted the lights above the stage. Now that my Devo fan credentials have been thoroughly established, I have to admit that I am freaked out a little by the Devo action figure with interchangeable heads. I want it, but it scares me. Then again, maybe it is just Devo in general: fans like them but are a little freaked out by them at the same time (everyone else is just freaked out by them).



Monty Python Plush Black Knight

"Like most women, I don't 'get' Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I've tried to watch it with my boyfriend but it's just so stupid. Who would waste their time with such a stupid movie? Oh, when the special edition DVD came out he tried again, 'Honey, it's got an extra 24 seconds of previously cut footage!' Like that would help. He thought he was fooling me by giving me the bunny slippers too, like how could a harmless little bunny bite through an armored man's jugular vein? So Stupid. Then he gave me the Plush Black Knight. Who would want an doll of a man wearing armor? My boyfriend is the one that doesn't 'get it'. I thought he was the one, but he just doesn't understand me. I got so mad I ripped the doll into pieces and beat him with the bloody stumps."

Gi Joe G I Joe Search for the Yeti
I don't want any comments about how this is really an adult novelty toy. GI Joe is definitely a kid's toy. What confuses me about this is why is GI Joe searching for the Yeti? Did the USA declare war on the missing link? Or is the USA trying to capture the Yeti for part of a secret weapons project? It's hard to tell from the picture, but G.I. Joe has his rifle jammed in the Yeti's stomach while the Yeti looks like he is screaming in pain and is about to swipe at Joe with his giant Yeti paw. More pictures here from a guy who really likes this toy.



LEGO Orient Expedition: Yeti's Hideout
I always thought that Bigfoot/Sasquatch was cool. Ever since I was a kid and saw that In Search Of... Bigfoot episode and the Six Million Dollar Man episode where Andre the Giant played Bigfoot. At one point I was even pretty sure there was a bigfoot living in the woods near my house in Texas. I never really felt any love for the Yeti, though. Maybe it was because he was so far away, or maybe because it is so dang cold in the Himalayas (I don't do cold). Maybe it was because there is no way the Yeti exists. Come on now, if you were nine or ten feet tall and could throw boulders like they were baseballs, would you choose to live in one of the least hospitable places on Earth? Sasquatch could be real, because it is conceivable that someone (or thing) might want to live in the forests of the Northwest US and Canada. Hell I'd like to live there myself if I didn't have to live in constant fear of a wookie attack.



Plaid Shirt Zombie Action Figure

(sung to Monty Python's Lumberjack song)
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay
I lurch at night and eat brains all day

(chorus)
He's a lumberjack and he's okay.
He lurches at night and eats brains all day.

I punch through walls, I catch humans
You can't hid from me.
I think I'll catch more humans,
and eat their brains, yummy!


Related post: The original 9 bizarre toys